It is raining outside....

I slept for five hours this afternoon, but that wasn't enough to cause my head to stop pounding.

As cliche as it is, I've been extremely grateful for the people of faith who have said to me, "This is for a purpose, God is preparing you for something great." It doesn't make life today an easier, but it helps me to hope... It is tough feeling so isolated. And I mean, I understand, I realize that the people around me have had to put up with my pain for two years, but at the same time it's really hard when people really don't seem to care. I need encouragement, friends.

The other day one a guy who I look to as a second dad said to me, "You're seventeen, you shouldn't have to live like this." I don't want to live like this. Every time I reach for the bottle of pills something within me just screams, "don't do it!" Sometimes I wonder if I could just ignore the pain and have it go away. It's hard to feel so alone in all of this.

You just want someone to be there when you're crying yourself to sleep... or when you hurt so bad that you can't lay still enough to sleep. Someone to hear you cry out in pain in the night. But there isn't anyone. And if there were, you'd muffle your screams anyway... because you don't want to disturb their sleep, or make them feel uncomfortable.

Pain is a lonely, lonely, lonely thing.